#Microsoft meets Borg
Has this been posted here before? I found it somewhere else and LMAO:
==============] The Borg Meet Microsoft [===================
<Picard> "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? Mr. Data, have
you been able to access their command pathways?"
<Geordi> "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by
searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century
computing technology."
<Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer
screen.>
<Riker looks puzzled.> "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
<Data turns to answer.> "Allow me to explain. We will send this
program, for some reason called 'Windows' through the Borg
command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin
consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."
<Picard> "But the Borg have an ability to adapt. Won't they
alter their processing systems to increase their storage
capacity?"
<Data> "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it
creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of
resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The
Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of
their processing ability will be taken over and none will be
available for their normal operational functions."
<Picard> "Excellent work. This is even better than that
'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."
… 15 minutes later …
<Data> "Captain, we have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed
85% of all available resources. However, we have not received
any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."
<Geordi> "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg
storage and CPU capacity, but we still have no indication of an
'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
<Picard> "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if
there is something we have missed."
<Data> "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
'upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan
by not sending in their registration cards."
<Riker> "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to
begin emergency escape sequence 3F…"
<Geordi, excited> "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has
suddenly dropped to 0%!"
<Picard> "Data, what do your scanners show?"
<Data, studying displays> "Apparently the Borg have found the
internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all
available CPU capacity."
<Picard> "Let's wait and see how long this 'Solitaire' can
reduce their functionality."
… Two hours pass …
<Riker> "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?"
<Geordi> As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
successfully increase resources I have set up our closest deep space
monitor beacon to transmit more 'Windows' modules
from something called the 'Microsoft Fun-Pack'."
<Picard> "How much time will that buy us?"
<Data> "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predict an
interest time span of 6 more hours."
<Geordi> "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
<Picard> "Identify."
<Data> "It appears to have markings very similar to the
'Microsoft' logo…"
<Over the speakers> "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
FLAGSHIP _MONOPOLY_ WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF
UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE
CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY."
<Data> "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and
released thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."
<Picard> "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"
<Riker> "My God, Captain! Those are human beings floating
straight toward the Borg ship – with no life support suits! How
can they survive the tortures of deep space?!"
<Data> "I don't believe they are humans, sir. If you look closer I
believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by
twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing
Armarni suits."
<Riker and Picard, together – horrified> "Lawyers!!"
<Geordi> "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
<Data> "True, but apparently some must have survived."
<Riker> "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with
all types of papers."
<Data> "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red
tape'. It often proves fatal."
<Riker> "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
<Picard> "Turn the monitors off, Data. I can't bear to watch.
Even the Borg doesn't deserve such a gruesome death!