CompuServe Messages

(from the National Enquirer) "In a surprise move, Elvis Presley, famed rock-and-roll star came back from the dead, and in a televised announcement, sold all his stock in the Southland Corporation (7-11) and annouced a new partnership with the ghost of Darth Vader." "'We regret any confusion our deaths may have caused', said the Dark Lord, when asked about the sudden change in their mortality status. 'There just aren't that many investment opportunities on The Other Side, these days. When we heard about the liquidation of CBM, we sort-of got to talking, and decided it was time for (yet another) comeback.'" "Continuing from where Vader left off, Elvis said, 'The midnight munchies were the worst part of being dead, especially when you're as big as I was. I couldn't even sneak into a 7-11 anywhere south of the Mason-Dixon line to pick up a box of Ho-hos without 16 zillion hicks (most of them relatives) spotting me and crying out, "I wuz gonna buy them Ho-hos fer granny!". When Darth here told me he'd read about the liquidation of CBM in the Galatic Gazette, I felt we had an opportunity to revisit life with a minimum of notice. I mean, who ever heard of "Amiga"? Seemed a terrific way to get the anonymity I so desperately sought in death.'" "Vader went on, 'I tried opening a string of Jedi Darkside Acadamies, but nobody's interested in the power of the Dark Side any more. I mean, I may have been the most powerful being in the galaxy, once (except maybe for Elvis, here), but who wants to learn to master the Force from a guy who got his butt whipped by his own kid? I even tried a slogan, "We're number 2, but we try harder", til Avis sued me out of the solar system. So, when I read in the Gazette about the Amiga being on the ropes, I felt it was high time the dead and all-but-dead got together!'" "Returning from his Oreo break, Elvis concluded the interview, with these words: 'Basically, we feel we can give the Amiga the exposure it has so desperately needed for so long, and that the Amiga can give us the anonymity we've both wanted equally desperately since our untimely deaths. You gonna eat that cookie?'"