Tech Support <g>'s
26 messages in this thread
BEFUDDLED PC USERS FLOOD HELP LINES, AND NO QUESTION SEEMS TO BE TOO BASIC
AUSTIN, Texas – The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't get her new
Dell computer to turn on. Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. technician, made
sure the computer was plugged in and then asked the woman what happened when
she pushed the power button.
"I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens," the woman
replied. "Foot pedal?" the technician asked. "Yes," the woman said, "this
little white foot pedal with the on switch." The "foot pedal," it turned out,
was the computer's mouse, a hand-operated device that helps to control the
computer's operations.
Personal-computer makers are discovering that it's still a low-tech world out
there. While they are finally having great success selling PCs to households,
they now have to deal with people to whom monitors and disk drives are a
foreign as another language.
"It is rather mystifying to get this nice, beautiful machine and not know
anything about it," says Ed Shuler, a technician who helps field consumer calls
at Dell's headquarters here. "It's going into unfamiliar territory," adds Gus
Kolias, vice president of customer service and
training for Compaq Computer Corp. "People are looking for a comfort level."
Only two years ago, most calls to PC help lines came from techies needing help
on complex problems. But now, with computer sales to homes exploding as new
"multimedia" functions gain mass appeal, PC makers say that as many as 70% of
their calls come from rank novices. Partly because of the volume of calls,
some computer companies have started charging help-line users.
The questions are often so basic that they could have been answered by opening
the manual that comes with every machine. One woman called Dell's toll-free
line to ask how to install batteries in her laptop. When
told that the directions were on the first page of the manual, says Steve
Smith, Dell director of technical support, the woman replied angrily,
"I just paid $2,000 for this damn thing, and I'm not going to read a book."
Indeed, it seems that these buyers rarely refer to a manual when a phone is at
hand. "If there is a book and a phone and they're side by side, the phone wins
time after time," says Craig McQuilkin, manager of service marketing for AST
Research, Inc. in Irvine, Calif. "It's a phenomenon of people wanting to talk
to people."
And do they ever. Compaq's help center in Houston, Texas, is inundated by some
8,000 consumer calls a day, with inquiries like this one related by technician
John Wolf: "A frustrated customer called, who said her brand new Contura would
not work. She said she had unpacked the unit, plugged it in, opened it up and
sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what
happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, 'What power switch?'"
Seemingly simple computer features baffle some users. So many people have
called to ask where the "any" key is when "Press Any Key" flashes on the screen
that Compaq is considering changing the command to "Press Return Key."
Some people can't figure out the mouse. Tamra Eagle, an AST technical support
supervisor, says one customer complained that her mouse was hard to control
with the "dust cover" on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse
was packaged in. Dell technician Wayne Zieschang says one of his customers
held the mouse and pointed it at the screen, all the while clicking madly. The
customer got no response because the mouse works only if it's moved over a flat
surface.
Disk drives are another bugaboo. Compaq technician Brent Sullivan says a
customer was having trouble reading word-processing files from his old
diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the
problem, Mr. Sullivan asked what else was being done with the diskette. The
customer's response: "I put a label on the diskette, roll it into the
typewriter…"
At AST, another customer dutifully complied with a technician's request that
she send in a copy of a defective floppy disk. A letter from the customer
arrived a few days later, along with a Xerox copy of the floppy. And at Dell, a
technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive
and "close the door." Asking the technician to "hold on," the customer put the
phone down and was heard walking over to shut the
door to his room. The technician meant the door to his floppy drive.
The software inside the computer can be equally befuddling. A Dell customer
called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of
troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of
paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so Dell technician
Gary Rock referred him to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of
friends," the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the
man said, "Oh! I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."
No realizing how fragile computers can be, some people end up damaging parts
beyond repair. A Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer
worked. He had cleaned it, he said, filling up his tub with soap and water and
soaking his keyboard for a day, and then removing all the keys and washing them
individually.
Computers make some people paranoid. A Dell technician, Morgan Vergara, says
he once calmed a man who became enraged because "his computer had told him he
was bad and an invalid." Mr. Vergara patiently explained that the computer's
"bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
These days PC-help technicians increasingly find themselves taking on the role
of amateur psychologists. Mr. Shuler, the Dell technician, who once worked as
a psychiatric nurse, says he defused a potential domestic fight by soothingly
talking a man through a computer problem after the man had screamed threats at
his wife and children in the background.
There are also the lonely hearts who seek out human contact, even if it happens
to be a computer techie. One man from New Hampshire calls Dell every time he
experiences a life crisis. He gets a technician to walk him through some
contrived problem with his computer, apparently feeling uplifted by the
process.
"A lot of people want reassurance," says Mr. Shuler.
>> referred him to the local Egghead…
>> put the floppy in the drive and CLOSE THE DOOR…
>> put a label on the disk and roll it into the typwriter
>> this little white foot pedal…
hahahahahh
Jonas,
Thanks I needed that!
-Ralph
Hey Jonas,
Someone sent me a copy of that article through Notes mail this morning. I
laughed for half an hour!
<GRIN>
TTYL,
Danny…
ROFL!!!!!!!!!!
That is the funniest/scariest article I've read in a long time. Thanks.
Frightening.
John Tissavary (La Luna cie)
Very funny! but with customers like this calling in I can imagine the caliber
of tech support people dwindling or a hierarchy of technicians we geeks will
have to explain the problem to only to be transferred to the next level, each
and every time.
Ring..Ring…Ring..
Welcome to the express lane speedy tech support line of WIZMO software.
If you have a touchtone phone press one, if you do not press 2, if you need
assistance with this process so far press 3, if you don't speak English press
4, ………if you got the wrong number hang up and try again. Have a nice
day!
presses 1
enter your software serial number now followed by the pound key.
Please, do not pound the keys. Thankyou.
23456745987521087563Q234Q#
I'm sorry you did not enter a valid serial number. If your serial number
contains a "Q" then hit the * key for the "Q"
23456745987521087563*234*#
Thank you
music plays
All tech support personnel are busy helping more important people right now so
please hold the line and someone will be right with you. music plays
12 minutes later…
Hello, tech support, Please state your name and serial number please,
….. ………………
Thank you now what is the problem?
…………………………………………………………………….
……….
…………………………………………………………………….
……….
……………………………………………………………………..
………
OK do you have your computer plugged in?
YES
OK I have to transfer you to my supervisor, please hold
#$%^@* %^$#&&……
I'm sorry, all CSR's are busy helping more important people now but please hold
the line for up to 45 minutes and a technician will be right with you.
music plays
41 minutes later
Hello, may I have your name and serial number please?
………….
OK now what is your problem?
…………………………………………………………………….
…………….
…………………………………………………………………….
…………….
…………………………………………………………………….
…………….
Hmmm?? I haven't heard that one before, must be a hardware conflict. Do you
have the monitor switch on?
yes
Well, I can see this is really a new one on us. let me transfer you to our
special advanced development group. Please hold..
I'm sorry, all CSR's are busy helping more important people now but please hold
the line for up to 45 minutes and a technician will be right with you.
music plays
44 minutes later
Hello, may I have your name and serial number please.
…, ……………………….
Mr…. I've been discussing YOUR problem with our group here and we have
concluded that YOUR problem is not in our software but our best guess is a bad
ram chip on your main board which is sending a binary cross plex coded signal
at hex dump 2043APO. This inturn destabilizes the CPU's multiplexed clock
speed and simultaneously caches the internal stack registers, therefore, we
suggest you pack up your system and send it back to your supplier with a
detailed description of the problem and …….\
And the process repeats itself with the hardware mfg. referring back to the
software mfg.
Just wanted equal time for us tech support users, Jonas. <G>
Boy, I needed that too ! Hysterical. Scary 'cause it's probably all true.
Aren't we all a bit overwhelmed by these machines though ?
Honestly ?
Thanks for the laughs Jonas.
Bill
Jonas,
Back in 1986, when I was running a network of <gasp> Macintoshes for a company
back east, the company decided to sponser a "computers for schools" program,
and I volunteered to help. One day, when the most "computer literate" teacher
from a local middle-school was having a problem with an Apple II in another
room, I was called to help out. As I entered the room, there she was, *pointing
the mouse at the screen* and clicking madly saying,
"This thing just doesn't work! The batteries must be dead!"
To this day, NOTHING suprises me about people and computers…<g>
Thanks for the chuckle,
-Alan
It would seem people have the biggest problem with mice. We do a lot of
seminars, and I have seen prople point it at the screen, bash it against the
keyboard because they didn't know they could pick it up. Some people were so
apprehensive about mice, they would move it at about a half inch a minute. Then
there is the idea of double-clicking. 90% of inexperienced people seem to have
an extremely difficult time grasping this concept.
My favorite one to date was the guy who was thinking about buying 3D Studio and
asked how many disks it came with. I told him about 8, so he asked if he could
purchase one now and buy the other 7 later! -dave
This is sickening. The problem is that these people aren't just computer
idiots. The kinds of mistakes and plain stupidity we hear the most are funny to
us because we can easily relate to it. The problem is that these folks are
plain stupid, period. It doesn't have to be just computers. These are the folks
who stop when entering a high speed freeway, engage "cruise control" in their
RV's and go back there prepare a cup of coffee, have their VCR's permanently
flashing 12:00am, believe (or even watch) those "informecials", think that
those TV preachers are really trying to save something other than their bank
accounts, think Rush Limbaugh really knows what he's talking about (I will hear
for that one), etc. etc…
We're getting a bigger and bigger gap between those who know anything and those
who just vegetate in this world. I'm not just talking about technological
knowledge. It's any knowledge.
Try this for fun at "any" fast food restaurant: when they tell you how much,
give them a twenty (or whatever big). Then, after they typed in and figured the
change they have to give you, give them the change so they would only need to
give you a round figure bill back. You will get a generalized DUH… and they
go totally nuts as they can't figure out what to do… This is sad (but fun!)
/* Try this for fun at "any" fast food restaurant: when they tell you how much,
give them a twenty (or whatever big). Then, after they typed in and figured the
change they have to give you, give them the change so they would only need to
give you a round figure bill back. You will get a generalized DUH… and they
go totally nuts as they can't figure out what to do… This is sad (but fun!)
*/
This might be symptomatic of a slow baud rate though, Gus, instead of
stupidity. I add up numbers much faster after a good cup of coffee! 🙂 -dave
Oh man am I tempted to jump in on this discussion. I agree with you so much…
but I've got to get back to work… AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH why does work always get
in the way?!
John Tissavary (La Luna cie)
>> We're getting a bigger and bigger gap between those
>> who know anything and those who just vegetate in this world.
>> I'm not just talking about technological knowledge.
>> It's any knowledge.
I second that idea. More and more I observe the debate of important national
issues and both of the reported sides of the issue are stupid, illogical and
lacking of accurate intellectual content.
>> Try this for fun at "any" fast food restaurant:…
I don't use those places <g>.
If you want a GOOD place to get breakfast/brunch, come on over to I-5, go
south to the Barbur Blvd. exit. Right on the exit is The Original Pancake
House (tue. to sun.). Oh yes, I am just on the other side of that exit <g>.
Best breakfasts in the world. Next time you're there, have a Dutch
baby for me…naw, a mushroom omelette…naw, an apple pancake…naw,
just a short stack with lingonberry syrup.
I hear the Crab Bowl's gone and they shut down the original Rose's
<sigh>. Can Huber's and Dan and Louis' Oyster Bar be far behind?
This sounds like Portland you are talking about. Did you know the crab
bowl is now a porn video place? Well,was. It got burned down, but
apparently the guy is re-building.
Tim – I had forgotten about the Crab Bowl's ultimate fate, but, now that you
mention it, I have heard about that conversion. I always thought it was a weird
location for a porn video place.
I remember the original Crab Bowl location back down Barbur Blvd. across from
the Burlingame Fred Meyer. It was very small, and people used to line up down
the street and shuffled past these big picture windows where the patrons sat.
Kind of made you nervous when you were sitting there eating <g>. They served
turtle soup.
>> I always thought it was a weird location for a
>> porn video place.
Ok, now you really got me curious. Barbur Blvd. is a very busy road and it
turns into a highway going south. Businesses like people to pass by so that
they can be attracted, even (or especially) porn places.
But I am also curious about your use of "porn". Is it:
a) descriptive (others call it that, so you do also)?
b) a social judgement?
c) a legal description indicating illegal products?
if so, can you give me a concise definition?
(or do you subscribe to the statement of a certain justice
of the Supreme Court who said that he could not define it
but he knew it when he saw it?)
Can I get some strong reactions here?
Pornography by definition means the study of prostitution. As such, any other
use of the word is suspicious of a hypocritic society. I don't condole nor
condemn the behavior normally attached to this word. I do condemn however, the
idea of people enforcing their religious believes onto others. I can't, for the
life of me, understand what's the difference between exposing your nose and
exposing your penis. They are just parts of your body. This whole idea of
condemnation is a very sick legacy of an autocratic religious state from the
middle ages. It has nothing to do with moral values. It's just hypocrisis plain
and simple. Moral is something more related to geography than to anything else.
For instance, the Saudi Arabia government just issued a decree this last Monday
banning all satellite dishes as they were being used to receive TV programming
that, according with their religious believes, deemed too offensive. It showed
things like couples holding hands and that's considered "pornography". If you
laugh at this notion, why do we still do the same thing? Is it right to enforce
rules onto others based on such abstract reasons? Are the Saudis doing the
right thing? Is it really acceptable to have the government dictating what is
and what isn't "morally" acceptable?
The reason I get upset over these issues is that this is used as precedent over
much more important things. When we turn our backs to reason and just follow
the Jesse Helms of the world, we're in to a big trip downhill.
Gee… here I go again…
It seems we are in 100% agreement over yet another issue. I just sent a long
tyrade along the same lines to a tv news magazine that did a report on a DA
prosecuting a corporate restaurant chain over alledged sexual harrassment of
some of its scantily clad waitress employees.
I think it's perfectly fine to send somebody up the river for sexual
harrassment (I consider telling me _not_ to show my naughty bits, or _not_ to
have sex as sexual harrassment, too!), but the DA was using this in an
incredibly transparent and obvious vehicle for her hipporcitic/moral judgment
of the company that these waitresses chose to work for. She feels women
wearing tank tops and short shorts (I guess it's sexy in a tacky sort of way,
but poor taste is not a crime in this country, or there'd be jailhouses on
every corner in every town) breed a "culture of corproate sexual harrassment".
She made it abundantly clear that any woman who poses for playboy or wears tank
tops "doesn't get it" and is somehow morally inferior and in need of her
crusading help, and that (all?) men are somehow guilty of whatever they're
guilty for. Her opinion of men, women, and sexuality is obviously very
different from mine. She's welcome to her opinion, but I resent the fact that
she wishes to wield power and legislation based on these opinions.
John Tissavary (La Luna cie)
I agree strongly with you and Gus, FWIW.
People should really learn to worry about what's REALLY important in their
life.
I'm trying all the time…..
-Alan
>>People should really learn to worry about what's REALLY important in their
life.<<
I've found that when I have something very difficult to deal with or look at in
my life, I am more prone to pursue and discover negative things about others.
But a little self honesty can go a long way, and I'm usually happier after
facing the intial trauma.
John Tissavary (La Luna cie)
>> Pornography by definition means the study of prostitution.
In Portland, a while back, there was a news story in which the
authorities (Polics/Sheriff, I forget) went after two grandmas for
prostitution. They had started a massage business and had done some
"hand jobs". This is the same town where the theft of a car is not
worth putting someone in jail for even if caught in the act. Not my
order of priorities.
Actually, I said it was now a porn video place, and I am referring to the crab
bowl that was on pacific highway on the edge of portland and tigard. I called
it porn because it's main buisness was hard core sex videos. I wasn't making a
moral judgement. I've got nothing against your average porn video, and I
thought most of the neighbors protesting the place were being a little alarmist
about it's location.
I can't see a lot of junkies and hookers hanging around one store sitting kind
of off by itself.
According to the news reports, the owner says most of his clientele are on the
west side, so he opened one up over here. He's probably right.
>> Best breakfasts in the world.
The ONLY way to do breakfast anywhere around Portland.
>> Next time you're there, have a Dutch baby for me…naw,
>> a mushroom omelette…naw, an apple pancake…naw,…
I had an apple pancake today and will likely have a 49'er on thur. I don't
do omlets <g>.
>> I hear the Crab Bowl's gone and they shut down the
>> original Rose's <sigh>.
Yes, the Crab Bowl is long gone. Actually they tried to move and
failed due to loss of quality, I am told. Yes, the original Rose's
closed. The way I heard it, they either had to remodel, too
expensive, or close.
>> Original Pancake House (tue. to sun.).
Oops, that is (wed. to sun.)